Sounding Board

A blog is a nice place to vent or think out loud. I am not looking for reactions or even for people to read what I write but it is a good release for me to type it out and think through my feelings. It isn't as great as talking it out with a close friend but it is still beneficial to me. Sometimes I post them and other times I delete them.

Last night my friend at YW said something that really struck me. She said that she had been talking to her sons and told them that they will be so lucky to find a wife that knows how to cook and clean. It is so true and it saddens me. I am not the best at either but I have a new determination to teach my girls that it is important to do those things themselves. So many of my friends have talked about getting housekeeping and different things which I don't mind but I want my kids to grow up and know how to work and that working pays off. I am not judging anyone that hires help around the house. It can be a nice luxury and sometimes is really needed with other demands that life throws at you but as long as I am able, I will be doing my own laundry, my own dishes, my own cleaning and my own cooking because I want my kids to see that it is possible and that it can be enjoyable too. One of my favorite things is taking care of other people and one of the easiest ways to take care of and serve my family is by taking care of our home.

This time zone difference is making it difficult to talk as often with my closest friends as I would like to. That and the fact that it is summer and many are traveling and super busy. It hasn't stopped us from staying caught up and I am super grateful for the little conversations we get to have here and there. I feel so blessed to have the friends I do. I feel even more blessed that they are all doing so well. They are happy and good things are happening in their lives. I am also so grateful for the friends I have made here. I was worried that I wouldn't allow myself to attach to anyone here because I knew we would most likely only be here about nine months. Me, not attach?! Okay, I know that is an unlikely story but I didn't expect to find such a close friend so quickly. Maybe it isn't mutual yet but she has been great for me and her daughters have been so great for my girls. They beg to play with them every day. I love people and I am grateful for those that are willing to dive into a friendship so quickly and open up and become life long friends right away. There are a few ladies from MBASA and now my friend Jenny here that I feel like I've known since I was a child because of how easy it is to talk with them and they already know so much about me and I know so much about what makes them who they are, I love it!

I don't want school to start. I love having the girls home with me. I don't want them gone for most of the day. I am nervous about sending them too but I know they'll both do great. Sadie told me today how much she misses her BYU school. I think this school out here is going to be a harder adjustment for Sadie but she is ready to learn. She loves figuring out new things and I think once she is submerged she is going to soak it all up. We just found out that there isn't room at the school we're supposed to go to so we will be at a different elementary school. It isn't a big deal because it's a new school regardless but it would have been nice to go with Mckenna and already have a friend there. At least they have each other. I have been so grateful lately that Sienna and Sadie have each other. I got a picture of them holding hands today on their way to swimming lessons. They didn't know I took a picture and it wasn't staged at all. I love this picture so much and almost get emotional when I see it because I am so grateful that they are here together.

 For awhile I was stressed about them constantly comparing themselves to each other as they grow up but have since had a peace come over me. I can have a huge influence on them competing or finding insecurities by comparing themselves to each other or I can help them each reach their individual potentials which is what I am focusing on right now. Other people over exaggerate different situations and the girls' personalities and it used to really bother me but now I just ignore it because my girls are happy and there is no need for them to be the same. It hasn't been an issue to them so why should it be for me or anyone else? I am so very different from my sister, always have been, but we are great friends and support each other in our differences.

I read a couple of articles. One was sparked by “My love life will never be satisfactory until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.” ~Teenager post of the week via the Huffington Post. Quite funny but the author of the blog continued to write what I thought was really sweet and great. She wrote many of the things her husband has and does do for her that is real love. The second article was about how everyone has these high expectations of what marriage is and that it is full of romance, intimacy, companionship, friendship, trust, etc. It continues to say that there is no love in marriage but that love is in people and people put love into their marriage. Marriage starts as an empty box and that these things aren't in marriage but a couple must learn to infuse them in their marriage. You have to keep putting into the box for it to be full by learning to serve, give, love and praise. If you take out more than you put in, the box will always be empty.  I agree fully with both of these articles and they both put a smile on my face and I was overcome with such a happy, peaceful and grateful feeling. It made me reflect on all of the things that Matt does for me to show me that he loves me. Sometimes I think, Matt isn't very romantic and doesn't x,y or z but it isn't often and doesn't last long because Matt does so much more than he "doesn't." He gets up with the kids throughout the night often, he helps with chores around the house before I have the chance to ask for it, he lets me sleep in, he is so comforting to me and the kids when we don't feel well, he works hard, he offers me Mexican food when he knows I am stressed, he supports me, he cleans up messes, he cleans up after the kids throw up in bed because he knows I hate throw up, he surprises me all the time with silly little things, he gets excited about things that I get excited about, he supports me, he pushes me, he teaches me, he loves me. He is kind, he is patient, he is giving, he is helpful, he is nurturing, he is strong, he is fun, he is a good man and he chooses family over friends or work events constantly. I could go on forever about the different things Matt does for me and the kids but that the main point is that he is constantly serving us in different ways which I think is one of the most effective ways of showing he loves us. He might not write me poems or live up to the sappy romance films but he has loved me through eight and a half years of marriage and loved me unconditionally through it all, not just the high moments. He loves me past my looks and through all of my awkward and embarrassing moments. It's an unconditional love that he has for our family and the kind that will get us through challenging times. The best part is that he thinks he has it all too and he is happy doing all of these things. I feel so blessed. I am so blessed. I always envisioned being in a happy marriage and loving my life and feel so lucky that I am. I know it isn't always the case and that makes me sad.