Matt is at a concert tonight with his brother and while he's been gone I've been reflecting on my life and am overwhelmed with all I have been blessed with over the years. I get like this a lot but it seems to be extra evident lately and that is probably because I was grumpy, unpleasant and not my typical upbeat and happy self last week. (I really let the worldly things and sad happenings around me get me down and couldn't stop dwelling on the hard times my friends were finding themselves in.) I knew I wasn't being myself and you can only get asked "are you okay?" so many times before really recognizing that something needs to change and quick. I couldn't change what was happening in my friends' lives or the evil influences and sad events going on around me but I could change my outlook and attitude and that is what I did. I decided to open up to Matt, apologize for being mean and talk things out for a few reasons. 1. He didn't do anything and really deserved an apology for how I had treated him and the kids. 2. He has the best perspective on life and always knows how to lift my spirits. 3. My family deserves better. They deserve their positive, happy and full of energy mom back.
Without getting into more details of the reasons I was feeling lower than usual I want to focus on how great I've felt the past few days. After choosing (I really believe attitude and happiness is a choice) to be happy, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude, peace and happiness.
The past few days have been so wonderful and I have so much to be grateful for in my every day life.
It is a long list of simple things but it seems to be the simple things that make me the happiest. Another reason I want to write a list out of the little things is because I heard a talk from a friend that was hospitalized for an extended period of time and she wrote down 100 things she missed and was grateful for that she took for granted when at home. Some of the things on her list drive her crazy but when she found herself without them, she found herself really missing them. I loved her list and the things she found joy in and looked forward to returning home to once she was well again. Here are some of my favorite things.
1. I am so grateful to be happily married. I see all of these commercials for different "love" and dating shows and instantly feel a sense of relief and gratitude that I have my happily ever after and that he is so amazing to me.
2. Sunshine! I love Utah spring days with the sun shining and beautiful white clouds throughout the sky.
3. Waking up to the kids laughing together in their room.
4. True and loyal friendships.
5. Opportunities to serve.
6. Hot water. I love taking hot showers and baths lately and take one almost every night.
7. Morning routines. Watching Sienna ride off on the school bus or dropping the girls off at school is one of my favorite additions to my routine. I miss them while they are gone but their goodbyes to each other in the morning are about the sweetest things ever.
8. Hearing all of Tanner's new phrases. This boy is so smart. He has started conversing and communicating so well.
9. Sadie asking me to play barbies with her.
10. Watching Sienna play soccer or basketball.
11. Watching Matt in his sports.
12. Waking up to Abby talking in the middle of the night.
13. Playing hide and seek with the kids.
14. Hearing the door closing as Tanner is running outside by himself and having to chase him into the street while he's just laughing his head off.
15. Watching the kids, especially Tanner and Abby just light up when Matt gets home.
16. Random texts from Matt during the day. Instantly puts a smile on my face.
17. Sienna and Sadie proudly showing or telling me what they did at school.
18. Watching the kids wrestle and laugh with each other.
19. Living with my parents. Tricky at times but so rewarding.
20. Spending time with my nieces and nephews. Something I will miss the most when we move.
21. Playing sports and being active.
22. Long phone conversations with my dear friends.
23. Making new friends.
24. Matt's dedication to our family and how often he chooses to be home with us rather than at a school or friend event.
25. Matt graduating next month and in the top of his class.
26. The spirit guiding us back to school and then again to find our job with Chevron.
27. Road trips. Some of my favorite conversations with Matt have been on the road.
28. Living near Matt's family.
29. Listening to the kids' primary songs in the car. Even when they're not with me, I forget to change the CD.
30. Waking up to Sienna in the morning saying, "I just want to snuggle with you, mom."
31. Watching Tanner run around in his diaper after taking a bath and dancing around like a little goofball.
32. Watching Abby spin in circles on the wood floor.
33. Talking to Matt about his different projects at school.
34. Knowing that Matt supports me in anything I want to do and encourages me to grow and learn.
35. Learning from my kids, daily. It's amazing how often they are right and I am wrong.
36. The Ensign & Friend. I have always had them but only recently started reading them regularly and I love it.
37. The smell of aftershave or deodorant. I always sleep better if I can smell Matt.
38. Trying new things.
39. When Matt makes fun of me for silly things.
40. Riding bikes with the kids.
41. The girls spending hours coloring and cutting paper.
42. Watching the kids learn new things.
43. Listening to Tanner play cars/trains on go in circles around the train table over and over again.
44. Tanner begging for cereal 15 times a day.
45. Being called back into the kids room for more hugs and kisses nearly every night. Hugs, kisses and squeezes.
46. Watching the kids learn and understand new gospel principles.
47. Listening/watching the kids teach each other.
48. SURE LOVE YA every night and the kids getting so excited about it.
49. Hearing Tanner yell, "chill out" or "stop it" to all of us.
50. Spending time volunteering at both Sienna and Sadie's classes.
51. Being able to throw all of Sienna's parties with Reni.
52. Sienna and Max in class together.
53. Sadie opening up and gaining more confidence in her class.
54. Talking on the phone with my sister.
55. Having opportunities to travel.
56. Being able to stay in touch with so many of my friends.
57. Living by Jamie again.
58. Conference weekend. My favorite time of the year.
59. Surprises. I love love love surprises.
60. Playing football with Sharee (and everything else we get to do together.)
61. The friends I've made in MBASA.
62. Talking to Kiera pretty much daily on the phone.
63. My parents' kitchen.
64. Lunch with the kids after Sienna gets home from school and we talk about our day so far.
65. Watching Disney movies with the kids.
66. Tanner always saying "I'm a BOY"
67. Watching all three of the kids maul Abby and fight for her attention.
68. Watching Abby crawl all over the kids and take their toys.
69. Abby as she is getting more mobile and active and into things.
70. My dad still calls me almost every day and I live with him.
71. My mom spending hours and hours sewing in the middle of the night to help me with different things.
72. Shelby. She drives me nuts but brings out a side of my kids that is hilarious and fun to watch.
73. Laying in the soft clean grass.
74. Mountains. I love being surrounded by mountains.
75. The temple.
76. My testimony.
77. Working with the young women.
78. When people confide in me and allow me to confide in them.
79. Waking up to Sadie right in my face in the middle of the night. Snuggling her for a few minutes and then watch as she climbs right back into her own bed.
80. Watching "our shows" with Matt on a weekly basis.
81. Taking Matt lunches at school.
82. Catching up with Emily and reconnecting with Jac.
83. Being appreciated.
84. Reading letters Matt has written me over and over.
85. Spending time with Matt's mom.
86. Raising four kids. I feel so blessed to be living my dream of being a mom.
87. Learning to let silly things go.
88. Going on "real" dates with Matt.
89. Climbing into a cold bed.
90. My van. I never thought I'd fall in love with a mini-van but it is so convenient and we have made many memories on road trips, etc.
91. Bath time with the kids.
92. Building forts. I have to fold a dozen blankets almost daily.
93. Watching the kids switch the laundry and having them help me put their clothes away.
94. Watching all of them grow and insist on being independent and doing things alone or their way.
95. Going out to eat as a family.
96. Loving Utah while it lasts.
97. Packing up and learning to live with less. Liquidating so much of what we have.
98. Deep conversations with friends even when they're hard to have because we don't agree but it makes me more firm and confident in what I believe.
99. Play dates with good friends and getting to know people better.
100. Spending time as a family. I look forward to the weekends whether things are planned or not because nothing is better than being with my people.
I could go on and on but Matt is now home from his concert and it is late. There are so many things not included on this list but it is liberating to sit down and type out so many different things that I love about my day to day life. I am so very blessed. I am married to the most understanding, patient, loyal and fun person in the world and he makes me so happy. Matt, our kids and the gospel are the things that make living life so easy and worth it for me. I am so grateful for the life I have and I regret spending a whole week focusing on the things I cannot change. I am grateful for a husband that will stand by me and help me bounce back to my regular self.
