In Memory of Emilie Parker and the Other Victims of Sandy Hook

Emilie Parker

Two days ago the news shared the most horrific and saddening story I have ever heard.  There was a school shooting in Connecticut killing 20 elementary school children ages 6-7 and six other adults.  Reni had first informed me about the story when I went to pick Sienna up from school (which I usually don't do anymore because she loves riding the bus.)  It hit home so hard because this was a first grade class that was attacked.  Only one grade above Sienna and Max sitting helplessly in their room when the intruder came in.  I will not focus on the monster or the details of what happened but I just want to relate a little bit of why it was extra difficult for me to handle.  I have cried on and off since reading and hearing about this tragedy and have pictured many times in my head the fear that would be on Sienna's face as she clung to her cousin and best friend, Max.  The thought of losing any of my children and especially in such a way makes me physically ill.  I wanted to throw up more than once.  I felt helpless but all I wanted to do was help.

A week prior to this tragedy I got a phone call from Sienna's school telling me that she was not there.  I had an instant feeling of desperation and despair because I had put her on the bus myself.  I told myself not to panic and that the system must have called me by mistake.  I instantly called the school asking about my sweet girl and they informed me that a bus was late and that was probably why I had received the call.  I made them go into her classroom and tell me she was there which thankfully she was.  Her teacher called me back immediately asking if I had just called the school inquiring about Sienna and then apologized for the scare.  She had been marked absent because the bus was late and then her class was in the computer lab and her teacher was unable to change her status to being in attendance before the automated system called me.  This all happened in a matter of seconds, two minutes tops but it was long enough to make me hurt, scared and ill.  I was so grateful to know that my baby was okay and that there was no reason to fear.  I spent the rest of the morning looking forward to getting her off of the bus and telling her how much I love her.

I believe this little experience that could have meant nothing once finding out that Sienna was okay helped prepare me to have even more empathy for these parents that just lost their babies.  My biggest fear just became so many's reality.

As the story broke, I found myself glued to the television wanting more information.  I didn't want to know the details of how it happened but I wanted to hear about the families.  That afternoon I was on the computer and say one of our dear friends in Texas post that his niece was one of the victims and did not make it out alive.  That made me sink to a new low.  Not only was this massacre the most horrible thing I have witnessed or heard of but now I knew someone directly affected by it.  Their niece was killed in her classroom.

It has only been two days but it has felt like weeks of pain and hurting for these families.  So much wondering what can I do to help?!  I want to write my overall feelings about this situation.  I find it offensive, horrifying and beyond understandable.  It has caused so much hurt and pain BUT at the same time it has also strengthened my testimony so much.  It has made me want to be a better mom. Never taking a moment with my family for granted or leaving my kids to go to a friend's house or to school without informing them how much I love them and how proud of them I am.  It has strengthened my relationship and faith in God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I know more than ever that He is our Savior because without him, we would have no feelings of comfort or love but that is what I am consumed with.  I just got off the phone with my friend Jeremie that is this beautiful girl's uncle and I was amazed at the strength of him and his family.  Emilie's father has made a public statement where he expressed both forgiveness and faith.  I am amazed and humbled.  I am so grateful for their strength and example and their faith in our Heavenly Father's plan.  I will continue to pray for all of the victims families and friends as well as the shooter's.  This experience has changed the lives of so many including mine and I am determined to have it change our lives for the better so that these beautiful children and amazing heroes didn't die in vain.

Here is a poem that I saw online and I loved it so much.

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all 

the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."